Punishment

I was starting to gain a little bit of confidence... too much, apparently. I got the scissor sweep for the first time, which felt great. That was really the first time I'd ever reversed a position. I beat up on a couple new guys one day, gaining control, switching positions -- mount to knee on belly. spider guard to triangle. I was avoiding getting crushed by the bigger girl, for the most part, and I was getting a good shoulder guard pretty regularly. Granted, I was still turning to the wrong side in half guard more often than not....

But tonight... the Crying returned. I fought a guy my size that I usually find I can combat his strength and play with technique a bit. He got mount, and I had every advantage. He's not that heavy, I wasn't in any real danger of being submitted... I just felt like a moron. I was able to hip bump and move him pretty significantly, but I just wasn't getting anywhere. I got to half guard, but wasn't re-guarding (which, guard - getting guard, keeping guard - is my only game right now) I need to be coordinating upper body and lower body movements together more. I need to find my inner response more than the urgent reaction. I think I was mentally thrown off, especially, since it started off with me being taken down from standing when I'd practiced it in my head to work the Osoto Gare take down on him... then all else fails... assertively jump guard, of course.

So... there were a few tears of madness on the 2 mile car ride home. We got out of the car, and Gary so eloquently stated, "There's no need to punish yourself. The thing about Jiu-Jitsu is that you've already been punished enough for your mistakes by getting beat up."

Yes, I'm still Training

aaahhhh... with vacation and starting a new job, i'm running once a week and at the gym about twice a week. I still feel like I'm learning and growing each day. The comments at the gym have been, "whoa, you don't get tired" and "you're flexible." Yes, I suppose these elements help me out... but I'm still largely feeling stuck and stuck and stuck. I've been working on escape drills, but there are times that I still feel I am fighting strength against strength... which is not good. (especially for me).

Last week, I ran, I think further than I've ever run before... 4 Miles - on the beach! We ran 2 miles down to the pier. I thought I'd pushed myself and did so well. I did those 2 miles in 20 minutes with the soft sand and all. Turning around... I thought the way back would be some jogging, some sprinting and delusionally, I really believed walking would be a large part of that. haha. but I did it. I ran the whole way back!! I gulped down 6 glasses of water after that.