I was starting to gain a little bit of confidence... too much, apparently. I got the scissor sweep for the first time, which felt great. That was really the first time I'd ever reversed a position. I beat up on a couple new guys one day, gaining control, switching positions -- mount to knee on belly. spider guard to triangle. I was avoiding getting crushed by the bigger girl, for the most part, and I was getting a good shoulder guard pretty regularly. Granted, I was still turning to the wrong side in half guard more often than not....
But tonight... the Crying returned. I fought a guy my size that I usually find I can combat his strength and play with technique a bit. He got mount, and I had every advantage. He's not that heavy, I wasn't in any real danger of being submitted... I just felt like a moron. I was able to hip bump and move him pretty significantly, but I just wasn't getting anywhere. I got to half guard, but wasn't re-guarding (which, guard - getting guard, keeping guard - is my only game right now) I need to be coordinating upper body and lower body movements together more. I need to find my inner response more than the urgent reaction. I think I was mentally thrown off, especially, since it started off with me being taken down from standing when I'd practiced it in my head to work the Osoto Gare take down on him... then all else fails... assertively jump guard, of course.
So... there were a few tears of madness on the 2 mile car ride home. We got out of the car, and Gary so eloquently stated, "There's no need to punish yourself. The thing about Jiu-Jitsu is that you've already been punished enough for your mistakes by getting beat up."
I was crying in frustration last week too :'(
ReplyDelete*sigh*
It was mostly during open mat with my BF and there was no one left, we stayed later and locked up.. but I pretty much had tears of frustration and defeat for an hour. I'm just glad none of the other guys saw me. lmao.
Chin up! Give it time and before you know it, you will be crushing people left and right! ;)
I cry on a semiregular basis too. I guess it's just like any other significant relationship in our lives... anyway, sending you long distance hugs :)
ReplyDeleteCrying is a healthy normal response to a good fight. Cry away! When I started BJJ (5 1/2 years ago! wow!), I cried after every roll, for at least one month. The weird thing was that I was not particularly sad, or upset, it was a natural response to extreme physical exertion.
ReplyDeleteI definitely find that these days, i feel closer to crying when that frustration is combined with tired... but those are the points where I know I'm working hard to not give up, at least :-)
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