Psyched to be back

So, for people who've met me in the last 3 years, the cover photo of my first day in a Gi, has been quite a laugh!  I took a friend's first white belt photo last night, so she can look back at it later in her bjj journey :-)

The devil is in the detail

Going to three classes in a week about half guard sweeps was fantastic.  Sure, it's easy to zone out for a second, but besides practice, the brain can build on existing knowledge and notice more of the detail.  That's one thing I loved about Bikram Yoga.  The postures and sequence are exactly the same every time, so every class brings new opportunities to do something just the tiniest bit differently and absorb new tips and tricks a little bit at a time. 

In Jiu-Jitsu, one little detail can be the difference of something working, especially for us smaller practitioners.  Particularly learning from different instructors with different body types and practiced 'games'  I pick up things to try for myself.  I like when instructors can teach by the book and also insert some wisdom from practice.  Particularly with the complication of bjj being fluid with partners and transitions, it helps to use the wisdom of the room as well.  The coach's uki was asked about how he would explain using the Wizzer for a single leg defense, and I found some insight from the varied perspective.  He ended up talking about using the arm to create space first instead of just wrapping the leg right away, and also about changing angles to have a better chance to pull one's leg from between the other person's legs, and around to the outside.  I know for me, if my leg was already being controlled, I would be done, so squaring up for a second just creates a different type of movement and chance to free my leg and continue. 

Instincts

So... At least years on the mat did something.  My brain needs some reminders, but my body knows exactly what to do.  I rolled with a more advanced blue belt, and started feeling out what I remember and what I needed reminders about.  My instincts about defense and positioning are working well.  My memory of submissions needs a bit of study.  It was a lot of fun to play around and see what happens.  My uki was really great about pausing at points to talk about options and where to go from here.  That's what is usually great about bjjyms -- the people.  I think that the saying, 'a rising tide lifts all ships' applies here.  when we teach each other, we refine our own technique and build better training partners. 

I worked until I was so tired that I had no more will power to fight.  Some of that is cardio to work on, and some of that is mental fortitude to work on.  In climbing, the saying is 'climb until you fall.'  For me, with both bjj and climbing, I think it is climb or fight until I panic, and work through it.  That's a win in my book.  I haven't panicked on the mat in a long time, but i'm sure it will happen again soon, and it will be a growth experience.  Part of these challenge sports for me, are playing with my own edges of comfort and fear.  It's scary that I could just give up, but I guess I can pay attention to when I give up, and how much further I can push myself next time. 

Each day brings a new experience, depending on the emotional and physical strength I bring onto the mat (or other activity) that day, and so I find comfort in doing the best I can on that day, in that moment. 

Like Riding a Bike

years have passed.  I married and divorced the one who got me on the mat in the first place.  It's been quite a journey.  I stand today, more proud and determined than ever.  Sorry blog for not writing to you when I got my blue belt.  I did.  And now, after months, the emotional scars have become my badges of courage, and I had my first class back at the bjjym (where my ex-husband is a muy thai instructor).  I was proud to wear my blue belt.  It means more to me now, coming back, and realizing just how important it is to be a 100lb woman with a renewed motivation and conviction to be a role model.  As myself.  Not as a fighter's wife.  Determined to persist at the art I've grown to claim my own - as 'one of the hardest thing's I've ever done.'  I'm proving how strong I am each day through a big life transition, and now jiu-jitsu suddenly seems more about fun and just staying in the game than about proving something to myself.  In my months off of the mat, I discovered rock climbing, and that was a similar challenge that helped me grow and face fear head on.  I'll continue that, and appreciate the inspiration I've gained. 

... back on the mat tonight.  new photo to come soon. 

Gracie Diet

After getting Helio Gracie’s book, the “Gracie Diet” has peaked Gary’s and my interest.  Since training Jiu-Jitsu until 90 years old has always been the goal, who better to be a role model than the Grand Master himself?!    He was teaching and training on the mat until 10 days before he died… at 95!   That would definitely be success in the health category to me.  Helio and his sons claim this nutritional lifestyle as part of their family’s great success, in the ring and at the playground.  Recounting increased energy and cured ailments, Rorion’s book lays out the diet, process and rationale behind the 65 years of informal research and benefit that have given his family increased strength of body and of mind. 

Beyond physical health, this diet is about discipline.  The translation from Portuguese is, “The Rational Nutritional Regimen.”  At least two of these words were not previously in my dietary vocabulary.  I have gained a greater awareness of my eating habits as being largely emotional and unstructured.  I could always rationalize my eating habits as small meals more often or necessities for avoiding low blood sugar.  I would self-identify as “living to eat, not eating to live,”  but the truth is, I would eat all day long and snack as I please.  I let my every whim and impulse take over, so this new way of eating will be a grand and majestic gesture of mind over body.  I will have to think about what I eat, and when I eat, implementing a new element of planning throughout my days… Wish me luck, as I embark on my newest challenge; all moving toward my overall Jiu-Jitsu goals of greater strength in mind and body. 

Just Like Kindergarten...

The goal:  "Keep your hands to yourself."  I know this, and yet, I've been getting arm barred like crazy.  Yes, sometimes upper belts catch my arm where it shouldn't be, but there are so many times when I am conscientious of keeping my arms in, and they get yanked and pulled at.  I fight like hell the whole way, but usually the end result is that they get my arm enough where I'll just tap.  Arm bars are also not usually a move that I will see or attempt.  I know training is the perfect time to try it, but I don't usually have enough control to make the move work for me.  Generally, a risky move.  I'm much more comfortable with triangles and chokes.  I will be more watchful of doing and avoiding the arm bar positioning.  Once they can even reach my arm, it's almost too late in most cases. 

It Finally Happened...

      I'm starting to like jiu-jitsu.  It took a year, and I still feel like newer people surpass me, but I find myself searching the internet and wanting to read jiu-jitsu magazines.  I even enjoyed watching UFC fights, not just the social part of it.  

     I read an article about Kyra Gracie in Jiu-Jitsu Style magazine that had me searching around for any seminars that she will be doing, and thinking about when I can be in NY and take a private lesson from her.  There was also an article about women training Jiu-Jitsu.  While, it would be neat to hear more about women in the U.S. to connect with, this article about the UK was certainly relatable. There was still the sentiment about size as more significant than gender in a training partner.  I don't like it when issues of gender inequality are completely ignored.  While the act of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training is practical, and may feel comfortable for women in many cases, I don't think it can be a vacuum where societal context doesn't matter at all.  Much of my experience is as a sisterly role to the 30 and over men, which is not necessarily a bad experience. But when i'm rolling with someone that says, "good girl,"  i know it is a supportive compliment, but it does exemplify how it's a 'woman's role' to be taken care of and protected.  

     I definitely work hard on defense, no matter who I grapple, but if I am in an offensive position against someone who is big and strong like a tree trunk, it feels like trying to bend steel to break their posture in my guard, or like i am a little feather if i am on top.  Let's just stay positive and say that I get an extra good workout  :-)  

BJJ Master, once removed

Although we train at a new bjjym now, I still feel connected to the Carlson Gracie federation.  It may seem snobby, but it is neat to feel close to a history and a formative BJJ philosophy.  I guess my family history has always been important to me because my grandparents were Holocaust survivors, and my Jiu-Jitsu family may have tapped into these sentiments.  I didn't know just how spoiled I was that my coach was Carlson's student in Brazil.  I have met and heard about others who trained under Carlson (including delaRiva), and the stories that they tell really add to my experience with the sport/art/lifestyle of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.  Before I had trained Jiu-Jitsu, I read on a website about the school philosophy of sharing everything with your students.  That spoke to me.  Especially, for me, studying human behavior, I know how difficult it must be to go against the ingrained nature of protecting one's family.  Even in non-profit orgs, I've seen how a certain level of fear or greediness makes people ultimately look out for 'numero uno.'  A Carlson Gracie school clear across the country shared a video that I really like of Master Carlson Gracie teaching a technique (with translation from Portuguese). 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4YTn93nhIs

I think the emotional attachment also helped me to learn and remember the technique.  It stood out in my mind.  I watched the video 4 times over the course of a couple of days, I practiced it 3-4 times, and I saw Gary teach it to others.  I was able to understand the fundamentals that the technique builds on, which also helps to fit the pieces together into my existing framework.  The move begins with setting up the scissor sweep guard from closed guard, and the ultimate goal is the triangle.  Carlson talks about the scissor sweep guard as a great guard that is very difficult to pass.  I never thought of the scissor sweep setup as a 'guard,' so that was helpful in my thinking.  It put a positive light on a move that I was told nearly impossible for me to execute with my 'bjj chronic size difference syndrome.'   I now have a more effective tool than I thought.  In terms of the triangle ('big finish,') another neat trick clicked.  Grabbing onto my own shin is not just for a quick way to lock the legs.  Holding onto the shin can keep the person in position even while moving around and battling for the submission.  So Simple.  So Awesome.  It means the game's not over, even if things don't go my way right away.  Gary has huge shoulders that give me trouble.  This made a big difference! 

Sound Effects

I am feeling like a more well-rounded Jiu-Jitsu player.  I still don't see all of the available submissions, but I find myself moving differently and more deliberately.  I'm thinking more; panicking less.  Breathing helps -- shocking, i know.  but especially when I'm tired or feeling stuck, integrating short and long exhale breaths helps me focus... or at least distracts me enough from the, "OMG I'm screwed."  They're audible, like shh shh shh shhhhh.  I thought it was silly, but sound effects are awesome!         

Strategy

Since that sad day when I figured out that 'just pulling guard,' is not the cure-all, I have faced grappling opponents largely on the defensive.  Initiate contact, try to break grips, move to the side to avoid a steamroller (thinking that maybe one day i'll scootch all the way to the back haha), control their legs and wiggle around to avoid being swept, etc.  This became the norm because my mind goes absolutely blank as the timer beeps.  Now, still largely reactionary, I've added some guard-passing type attempts and a half-formed arm bar attempt to my artillery.  Coming soon... setting up sweeps from starting at the knees.  

I

The good news arrived.  I'm an aunt.  I was off to San Franciso on 5 hours notice, and I grabbed a Jiu-Jitsu book for the long journey.  I usually surprise people with my BJJ practice.  Tampa to Denver, I sat next to two kids, probably 8 and 11.  I'm shy, so of course I didn't talk to them (even though I was instructed that in the event of an emergency, I would be "securing my own oxygen mask before assisting" them).  waywardly glances told me that I was definitely the odd lady with the book called 'The Path to the Black Belt.'  Every time I look at the book, I think it's funny, too, in an eye-brow-raising, ridiculously ambitious way.  My inner voice says the title in a hushed, foreboding Darth Vader voice.  "The Paaath.  to the blaaack beeeelt. chasshhh"

If I'd seen the book on a store shelf, I would have glazed right by it, but luckily, it was presented to me as a must-study for my practice.  The book really emphasizes process; from the very first day on the mat.  I took a step back and read through the introduction.  It is 43 pages of advice.  Rodrigo Gracie basically sets up a mindset about training and progress, including warnings about injury and reasons why people quit along the way.  He talks about the beginnings of feeling discouraged when techniques fail (been there.)  He talks about learning how certain techniques will fit you better than others (figured that one out the hard way).    He runs through the learning process, which is what I have been focusing on lately for myself.  I knew that practicing was important, and hearing in black and white that repetition of each move without putting it into action is so crucial, has deflated any excuses I ever made about grappling not affording me this type of practice.  Rodrigo says that white belts should not be focusing on grappling, but on learning each move.  He also, of course, emphasizes connections.  I jotted down one overall reminder about thinking systematically, in my BJJournal, "It's extremely important that, along with understanding the techniques, counters, transitions and links, (I) understand what each position involves - (I) need to know the objectives of each major position, what (I) need to prepare for and what (I) need to be thinking about in regard to each of the major positions (PTTBB 19)."

In teaching student success, I would always emphasize how important it is to actually say "I," rather than the safer way of deflecting by making general statements with "one" or "you."  Here was my chance to practice taking ownership over my own training and learning.  If I want to change, I commit to action.

Move of the Week

      I haven't been keeping my 'BJJournal' like I said I would, oops.  (but not that surprising).  And haven't been studying books (also not that shocking).. although, We are awaiting the arrival of a special book, any day now.  Gary spent $89 on a copy of Helio Gracie's master book, because it only had one printing. There's so much to learn, so much to study, so much to practice... it's difficult to focus on one thing at a time.  At the school we're at now, they teach anywhere from 4-8 different moves every night; it makes my head spin, and after a while, it's quite challenging to pay attention.  Going to Jiu-Jitsu feels like going to school.  It's hard to pay attention for so long, and Everything is a test; an opportunity to succeed or fail.  A learning opportunity, of course... I tell my students that a quiz is just a learning opportunity... but they certainly don't feel the same way.  I understand.  It stings just a little to get beat up no matter what. 

     This week, I have had a few more moments when I've felt things coming together, and where I've been remembering some long-lost moves.  Really, I guess it's the process of my brain recognizing a position I'm in, and searching the filing cabinet for what to do.  (and by filing cabinet.. i mean that my brain is probably more like a box that just gets papers shoved into it at random)  A friend posted this video on facebook because it's hilarious, but it is also very good basic Jiu-Jitsu.  I subscribed to Kurt Osiander's 'Move of the Week,' so I am committing to a way to focus.  My commitment to myself and my jiu-jitsu practice is to keep watching each week's video 2-3 days throughout the week. 

Here's the video:
Kurt Osiander move of the week - escape from side control

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4l9tP2gRuOo&feature=youtu.be&ytsession=oAHY4nQ7vt_WRmgrfWRChgRpw630ywZRceHq9mJ1YEyT_V28XeCaU5UogiWUAvJiuTnFCUyOgmCfgem_PkT2OeCmDbOOYqvaArzoVEJ17NV6ar8gMsjT9L_rR_k_LXwz_5CHNR1dXH0x5SfKPBIKPBeN9Agj-YCnUcYEYh4dygBCM_C9jw_HtIqa3dGIZgjX0MTA34o0iZ4tM_J5gaVnCW1xP6N_AsnarRMJ1-z6f23a2VdljsWEeD1lnI2xZHzTMi14YCszGL4h9Pgww3u-z44OKX_WGCB6SIJ2p-R8c04

Upper Belts

      Our school hosted a seminar; a guy who trained with our instructors and got his black belt from Royce Gracie.  This was my second seminar.  My first was with De la Riva and I had no idea how special it was... since it was maybe my second month of training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.  At the De la Riva seminar, I trained with Gary and a couple of other purple belts.  I wasn't really seeing the connections, so mostly I just did what the person I was training with explained to me. 
      At this seminar, I trained with a black belt (mostly because we were the two partner-less people after everyone else paired up).  I still have the 'awe factor,' but as I meet more black belts, the interaction feels more comfortable.  I switched partners for one move that was harder with a height difference, and didn't know until the car ride home that I was with the master instructor of our school  (we're at a satellite).  I don't think i did/said anything embarrassing  :-)  
      From the very beginning, I've been so spoiled, getting to train with upper belts.  I try not to impose too much on their training time, but I think this is one of the reasons that I have stuck with it.  They have a general heir of calmness and sincerity that I truly appreciate and aspire toward.   Especially at this bjjym, I am noticing that many of the white belts don't have that same spirit of respect and artfulness.  Everything seems like a threat and a reason to prove themselves... instead of self-betterment and an outlook on life.  One theory -  the people who stick with it are the ones who have that attitude of a long personal journey.  I don't know if it's something that you can grow into, or if some folks who just come to "fight" and to "win" against others quit after a while.  In general, I am fascinated by what may motivate different people to train Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu... and to stay with it.
      I asked my instructor this question one day.  He said that, when he was a kid, he was smaller, and play fighting with friends, others' size and strength brought great advantage.  Someone showed him a Japanese Jiu-Jitsu move or two, and he liked that he could find an angle to lessen their advantage.  He stuck with it because he is generally a pretty hyper personality, and the days he trains Jiu-Jitsu, he notices a greater sense of calm and self-control.       
      What brought you to the mat?  and what keeps you here?  

A Thousand Words?

It’s bound to happen… the pressure cooker explodes.  “I am SO sick of getting beat up!,” but the real question is, what am I going to do about it?  My only solution - I really need to write things down. 

When I am rolling, I still regress to the few moves and few elements of a technique that I am most comfortable with.   My memory fails me, and my progress moves like the continental drift.  Every 100 years professionals can see some evidence of it’s existence.  I still find many situations where I can’t really tell what’s happening around me, on top of me (in front of me and behind me I usually get), and Gary makes sure to let me know that until I stop panicking, I am always going to be just a couple of seconds too late.  I am my own roadblock.  A big part of my BJJ journey, though, is learning to be in control of myself; my body, my mind and my emotions.  In relationships, even, how easy is it to get frustrated, mad, feel like giving the silent treatment?  The more difficult route is to stay calm and use “I-Statements.”  Ha.  I have degrees in communication and psychology… but knowing and doing are two very different things.  The easy route is to give in, but that is usually not the correct  or beneficial path. 

So here I am, at a point where there is no other way but to put in the hard work.  I sat down one day and thought that I was just going to write down everything I know so far.  Not a Chance!  It took an hour to write down one escape that takes one minute and thirty seconds to explain in a youtube video.   If a picture is worth a thousand words, how many for a video? 

iNtuition

My MBTI tells the truth in identifying that I prefer to come up with novel solutions to any problem.  I don't read instruction manuals.  I don’t generally watch youtube videos about the way to tie a bow on a gift to look flawless.  I find fun in ‘winging it’ and figuring things out along the way.  I guess it feels like more of an accomplishment.  It also, however, comes with a warning label that says, "may cause increased levels of needless frustration and possibility of chronic lateness."  You can gather that ‘efficiency’ is not my first thought (nor the compulsion for perfection, at any cost). 

HOWEVER… Jiu-Jitsu is teaching me that looking at how others have figured things out before IS quite useful.  The creative process isn't terribly helpful or ‘fun’ when stuck in someone’s side control struggling to breath right at that moment.  Yep, I think I'll look in the book and be glad to have Rodrigo show me just how to hook the person’s arm so I'm less likely to get flattened and choked out  :-) 

K'NEX

I was good with Lincoln Logs and Tangrams and Brain Teasers, so I guess BJJ is just another puzzle with 10,000 tiny adjustable pieces.  I'm starting to see the connecting links. 

When I first started working out with Gary, I was finding muscles I never thought of as significant (ummm.. because my body now hurt.. everywhere!  clean and presses made my body say, ‘yep, that’s different’), but seeing the body as a hamstring here, bicep there, I learned was a simplification that overlooks how the power comes from the connector muscles.  In Jiu-Jitsu practice, the fundamental escapes and submissions don't do much good, if one can't figure out the ways of getting to these points.  Grip breaks, weight shifts, body positioning are becoming very important in my Jiu-Jitsu arena.  Lately, I've been working on not getting pushed over.  (yes, it is embarrassing even to say out loud) In the moment I was thinking, wait, what just happened??  And then it would happen again the next time I rolled with that person.  And again.  I felt ridiculous, that it seemed so simple and put me in such a pathetic position for the majority of the next 240 seconds or so.  Until I went and just asked her what she was doing.  (yes, a she.  These two women have become a part of my thrice-weekly ass-beating sessions.  Me on the receiving end, of course.)

A lot of folks at this school start one knee up, one knee down, so it is forcing me to not just think about holding my base, but how to shift my weight, strategically move my body toward, away, to the side..even to actually sit down (turns out that little pinwheel sit isn’t just for stretching haha).    There is no fundamental move that says step 1, step 2, step 3.  Now squeeze, choke, game over.  If it were that easy, I wouldn’t still feel like a beginner after a year. 

Ideally, we find the flow:  they push, you pull.  They pull close, you create space.  Our old coach used to say, “they play rock, you play water.  They play water.  You play rock.”  The philosophy sounds great, but it’s going to take a lot longer until one day the pieces fall into place for me.  Believing in that moment is keeping me going.  I see the picture on the puzzle box, but my game still looks like odd splashes of color. 

"Why have a women-only seminar?"

This is a post from another blog that I wanted to pass along.  My comments below. 


http://georgetteoden.blogspot.com/2011/06/why-have-women-only-seminar.html

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I grew up with older brothers, so this is the type of BJJ interaction that I have found most comfortable. It is actually the women; stronger, aggressive, white belt women, who I fear most. But if there was an upper belt female who was supportive and wanted to help me... I think that would be awesome! I have never been to a women-only seminar, or been taught by a woman, so I can't say for sure, but I really feel that the female empowerment aspect is important. Generally speaking, it is women who know what it is like to feel vulnerable, ignored, pushed aside, belittled, trivialized, condescended toward, taken advantage of and/or disrespected on a regular basis. These are aspects of gender that may not directly occur on the mat, but that may be coming onto the mat with someone. I tried out a gym that had a huge locker room with showers for men... and literally a closet for women. There are lots of ways to say women don't belong, this isn't really for you. I shopped around for a bicycle for over a year, and nothing felt quite right. It wasn't until I found a line of Giant bikes that are made for women, by women, that riding a bike was actually comfortable. For BJJ, I bought one of the very few Gi's designed for women and it made a HUGE difference. I have a BreakPoint and it's great. Next, I want to buy a Fenom Gi because I like their organizational mission. This is also something that I only learned about through the female blogging community. Thanks, Ladies. I guess, overall, my hunch is that the women who come to the mat and stick around are the ones who have already had enough positive experiences with men in their lives to work through any uncomfortable or frightening feelings.  I think that the mat is an excellent experience for younger girls (and boys) to learn about respect and to internalize the confidence for life.  

B-E-A-GG-R-E-SS-IVE

When I was 8 years old at camp, I won 'sportsman of the year' and didn't really know what it meant. I later realized that I seem 'sportsman-like' because I didn't care enough to win or lose, and I am a generally supportive and caring person.

BJJ technique has always been stressed to me, of course, because I will not be forcing anything in a fight. But I am now being coached a bit on aggression. If I use my 100 pounds just right in one spot, and find my timing and power... I may get somewhere dominant. Sounds like the stars aligning, ay.

Being easy going is great, but in BJJ and in pursuing life's goals, a little 'go getter' is necessary. The fight is within.

Better...ish

In preparing to go to class, I had my two new bjj friends mad and anxious weighing on my chest from the day before. I got to the school and was greeted by the hug which was lovely. And then the class was about chokes and triangles... finally, I felt like I had a base and was building on it. I was able to focus on new adjustments, and learning a couple of new things. In the white belt session (30 min before class, 2x per week), from the guard, we practiced 3 X Choke variations, a loop choke and the Ezekiel. Then 4 collar chokes from the back. The loop choke was new for me. It was grabbing the collar and starting with the forearm across the throat, then the other arm loops around the head to lock it, and shrimping out to tighten. Similar concept to Ezekiel, but I didn't realize that at the time.

Guard and having someone's back are two positions where I feel most stable, so I can envision myself in a position to work these. From mount, I try a thing or two, but usually just end up getting flipped right back to guard.

For the triangle (I like the triangle), I learned another detail for when everything is locked in tight, but no choking is occurring. To grab the other arm and shrimp out to the side a little. Gary said I'd been shown that before, but i guess there's only so many details I can absorb at a time. grab shin NOT foot. raise hips. arm across. head down. knees in. toes up. ... now move body sideways. got it. We also learned two defenses which were great and new for me. I'd only been told to 'posture up'... like it's so easy. and then wonder why i don't triumph successfully :-) i guess that's why this is a lifetime's pursuit.

I like Hugs

Well, there are good days and bad days. When the bad days come around, I usually don't feel like writing, but then an upswing comes along and puts things into perspective to keep me going.

BJJ is not actually 'fun' for me, so there is no general level of excitement or pleasant anticipation for training days, but I do think about it. I think about it in terms of self improvement and emotional strength building. I also will admit that I like thinking about how cute our little BJJ family will be :-) That was what added to the warm feeling at our old 'bjjym.' Everyone brought their kids and the coach's baby was there most every day and his wife trained with us. The coach also set the tone for making fun of each other, but it was always about love and support. He is tough and energetic like a real team coach, and is quick to greet you like a friend with hugs and kisses. I like hugs. I think it was my first hug at the new school that set my mind to have a better day than the last. Walking in, it was the owner of the Tai Kwon Do school where we have class that showed me and Gary the warm kindness that I was unknowingly craving.

Everyone at the bjjym is nice and willing to help, and I know I really shouldn't compare myself to others because this is my journey, but 1. everyone seems better than me. and 2. there is a new girl that is kicking my butt a little bit. She is picking everything up so quickly. I may not have won many competitions in my life, but dead last is not a spot i'm used to. There was one other time when I felt like the slow kid in class. As a graduate student in Intercultural Communication, I took a color theory class in the design school for fun. I ended up really enjoying it, but each day, we would bring our work in, and mine was so basic. I worked hard to end up with the bare minimum when the undergrad art majors would bring in these complicated art pieces that were applications of the color theories. I had a square and a circle, and next to me was a fish tessellation. It seemed amazing and unrealistic to me, but I plugged away, one project after the next.

I know. I need to study. Gary hates it when I say anything that is even a distant cousin to self-pitty.